Friday, August 13, 2010

Real Housewives of D.C.: Episode 2 - OC meets ATL

I keep wondering why Bravo doesn't have a Miami series, but I think it's because they just want to keep reinventing the wheel.  And it seems they did just that with this one.  Let me say I love it so far, mostly because it feels like you're watching a perfect morphing of the Orange County and Atlanta Housewives.

Episode 2 starts off with a very animated and overly-staged scene where Tareq  (Mr. White House Crasher) brings his wife into their living room where there's some random guy selling overpriced luxury items to her for her birthday.  It was like an uppity tupperware party for 2.  If they do Miami, I can take them to the parking lot of my job where the girl from the office next to mine sells counterfeit bags out of her trunk.  I'm just sayin'.  Michaele (Mrs. White House Crasher) goes on to tell us that people think she's in her 30s, which of course begs the  question "which people?",  but she's really 44.  Her husband, who is on the shorter, more plump side, treats her like the trophy wife she wants to be and lets her pick everything, despite starting out with telling her to only get one item.  Then, he brings her outside and gives her a horse.  At which point, she looks less than thrilled (understandably so since a) she doesn't ride and b) she looks like the slightest little bump on the road may break her in half).   Um, she goes on to name the horse Sparkle. 

The next scene is Mary, who is currently the crowd fave (at least she's this crowd of one's fave) never mind her bizarre behavior at her birthday dinner in the season premiere where she wants the black salons and white salons to get together and sing Kumbaya, having her housekeeper clean after her 23 year old daughter's hairy, hairy, hairy dog.  Mary says she can't stand the hair,  but is so happy to have Lolly back.  Lolly's the daughter, btw, not the dog.

Mary goes to lunch with Kat, who's married to the British White House Photographer who has held that title for both the Bush and Obama administrations, and who so far has been nothing other than completely inappropriate.   It's just Mary's luck that Lolly works as a server at the restaurant where they're having lunch and when Mary tells Kat that Lolly is back after having moved out to live with her boyfriend but then broke up, berates Mary for being a push over.  Kat's not at all embarrassed to tell us all that she's dying for her daughters to move out and once they're gone, they're not allowed back.  Kat seems to be completely oblivious to other people's uncomfortable vibes, in this case Mary's, and continues to steamroll her and her parenting by interrogating Lolly on why she doesn't pick up after her own dog and why she's back in her mom's house.  Mary leaves Lolly a nice large tip, which Kat somehow seems to notice, and berates her some more.  And here I thought it was rude to look at the bill when you aren't the one paying.  

This season, there's an accessory housewife named Paul Wharton, Stylist to the Celebrities.  He's just the right amount of fabulous and not so over the top as Dwight from RHOA.  Paul seems to do a little of playing both sides, being long time friends with Lynda, the owner of a D.C. modeling agency AND her nemesis, Michaele (Former Nordstrom's make up counter girl a/k/a Mrs. White House Crasher).  

Michaele and Paul sit around planning a birthday party which Michaele decides she's going to throw for him.  This is the second birthday party one of the Housewives have thrown for another in 2 shows, which is really making me wonder who is footing the bill.  Michaele makes it known that Linda threw Paul's 30th party and she wants to make sure this one is bigger and better.  

On the first episode, Kat the Bitch Brit went to the Americas Polo Club party, which Tareq and Michaele host.  She "pinky swore", which she finds something reprehensible that the Americans do, to go riding horses with Michaele and begs Mary to tag along.  Michaele told the girls the dress code was jeans (who asks what the dress code is to go riding horses?!) and both Kat and Mary are outraged at Michaele's get up, complete with jockey pants and riding boots.  Tareq gives them a private polo lesson and at the end, he serves them "chardonnay".  Which, judging by the head of foam, wasn't chardonnay.  It was beer.  Which is apparently very peculiar since he owns the vineyard where the girls are riding the horses at.  Hmmmmm, the girls wonder...'why would he serve beer when he owns a vineyard??'  Lucky for us, I'm sure we'll find out. 

Here comes Stacie.  Stacie is a D.C. native, the real estate agent of the group and so far, the one who is gunning for Kat's throat.  You really can't blame her.  In the season premiere, she went out of her way to invite Kat to her house where Janet Jackson's personal chef would be cooking for the girls.  I'm not sure how they do things in London, but I thought it was universal knowledge that politics should never be discussed, especially at the dinner table.  Well, Kat missed the memo and went on to detail why she loves Bush and how horrible Obama is (just so you know why, it's because Bush RSVPd to her wedding and Obama, gasp, did not).  None of this would matter if she were at a Republican fundraiser, but she clearly didn't consider party affiliations before opening her mouth.  Of course, it would not be D.C. if the race card weren't played out by the producers, and they're really trying to make the point that Kat is a racist and Stacie's going to be wronged by the uptight Brit.  Let's just sit back and watch it unfold.  

Stacie thinks it will be a great idea to invite alllllll the girls (minus Michaele) to her Aunt Florence's house for a good ol' down home southern dinner.  She makes sure the point isn't lost on her husband that she'll be inviting Kat and the viewer gets the impression from the tone of the conversation that Stacie's trying to desensitize Kat to a black environment by making sure she's drowning in it.  Kat is the first to arrive to Aunt Florence's house and makes it a point to let us know she's annoyed at being the only one there, which really comes off like her being annoyed that she's the only white one there.  She comes in, bottle of wine in hand, and as soon as she says her pleasantries, blurts out "I'd like a drink, please".   When Paul Wharton, the accessory Housewife arrives, she's quick to tell him that she's drinking some horrid wine that tastes 100 years old  and makes him ask for some liquor.  In her confessional, she announces  "I won't get sick just for being polite".   Two black men and a white guy go downstairs and discuss one of the guy's new patent on a penile volumetric measuring tool, which makes the white guy really uncomfortable.  Apparently, the other black guy, too.   To no one's surprise, Kat seems uncomfortable and the plates haven't even been cleared before she's rushing out the door.  Once again, in her confessional, she willingly admits it "not being her kind of scene".  

Michaele shows up to the party she's throwing for Paul with police escorts and a white stretch limo and seems to make it all about her and Tareq.  There's tension between her and Lynda, who tells her over and over she needs to eat some fries and a burger.  Which totally sucks because at this point, I want fries and a burger, thank you Chili's commercial.  

Lots of interesting characters and lots of tension early on.  If the White House Photographer still has a job after his wife's unrelenting gaffes, I'd be amazed.  I think the White House is STUPID for even letting this air. I'm sure they must have confidentiality clauses with all their insiders, particularly the photographer.  Between the White House Crashers and Kat the Brit, the show leaves you wondering why the White House Press Secretary isn't doing a better job of keeping the Administration OUT of the news instead of front and center.  Trust me, all press is not good press, especially in such a volatile political climate and with elections going on.   Kat's big mouth and Michaele's obsession with the limelight make the President look weak.  And rightfully so.  

Tune in next week! 

Friday, August 6, 2010

What's Next?

So this morning I watched Real Housewives of DC and Teen Mom.  I don't know if I can get into blogging every week about Teen Mom because I am so utterly REPULSED by Amber and Farrah and think that  Farrah's mom needs to be Baker Acted.  Oh, and Ryan and his "girlfriend" need to fucking crash.  Without Bailey in the car, of course. 

So how about RHODC?  Who's watching? have to be on board with the next blog.  I need your color commentary.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Ali - After the Final Rose: Ooooh, the Irony!

So, um, is it just me or does Ali NOT see that what her and Frank did is essentially the same thing?  She did say on the last episode that she knew all along that Roberto was the one for her, so why then, wait until the last date to decide Chris wasn't?   I can relate to what Frank did.  Sometimes, you just think you're over something and then bam! it creeps up and bites you in the butt when you are least expecting it.  I really feel he had nothing other than the intention to resolve his inner turmoil when he went to Chicago to see his ex.  Maybe it was his emotional cop out, but maybe not.  Maybe it was just a revelation.  Whatever it was, at least he had the nerve to show up and tell her when he did, similar to Ali having the nerve to telling Chris when she had the revelation that Roberto was "the One". throwing stones when you live in glass houses...

Oh they really have to bring Chris back on?!  Do they really have to make him witness the whole thing all over again with his little face superimposed on his heartbreak?  Agh!  Oh God...the rainbow.  I can't keep it together.  No, seriously, I can't.  Waaaahhhhh!!!!!  Don't you ever wonder if when the "couple" breaks up they go searching for the one they left behind? How cheesy.  Stay gold, Chris...stay gold! Hahahahaha.

Ahhh, the happy couple.  Can Ali please stop saying how he's "too good" for her?  What the hell kind of message is that to send to the girls of America? Is that really what she thinks of herself?  I think that is my biggest beef with her and this season.  That and her overuse of the phrase "unbelievable man" when referring to any one of the 25 bachelors, Chris and Roberto included.  Oh wait, one more:  the whole "I've sacrificed everything" bit.  Oy.  

So, after seeing them together I can see the love.  I'm happy for them.  I'm still cynical and will have my eyes glued to the grocery store magazines to see the latest gossip, but I'm happy for them.  I hope they become another Trista and Ryan and actually make it.  I don't know when I turned into such a pessimist when it comes to love and am anxiously awaiting another Bachelor couple to prove me wrong. 

So, what's next?  The Bachelor Pad?  Woo hoooo!

Ali - Episode 10: First Impressions are Hard to Shake

First, let me say I want to punch Ali in the fucking face.  Second, let me say how happy I am I never have to see her annoying puppy eyes and hear her Fran Drescher voice while she's saying some complete and utter gibberish.  Third, let me say that it's a good thing that a) I'm in love with someone else and b) I've tamed my stalkerish qualities because if not, I'd have to be on the next plane to Cape Cod to find Chris myself.  And finally, let me say that Chris Harrison probably makes bucketloads of cash in Vegas with that poker face!!  Wow can that guy keep a straight face!!

Ugh.  I should be happy that she didn't pick Chris because all along, I've felt that he's just too great of a guy to end up as another Bachelor/ette casualty.  I'll probably feel that way tomorrow. But ugh. ugh. ugh!! Who, in their right mind, would ever let Chris go?! 

Let's recap.  First family date was with Roberto.  Does Ali's sister really have to say "Roh-ber-toh" in her really bad spanish accent?  Can I be the first hispanic on record saying we really don't give points for trying?  Ok, that's mean.  I'm bitter.  Forgive me.  So clearly, Ali got all the pretty genes in the family.  Alright, mean again...  How awkward must all that be for the dad, huh?  I just felt so uncomfortable for him the whole time.  Here's a couple guys you know are banging your daughter who you've never met and who are asking for your blessing to marry her?!  Mmmmmkay.  So, Ali kept telling us how much her family LOVED Roberto and how he "fit right in" and I don't know, I just didn't get that vibe at all.  I mean, not that I feel he didn't fit in, per se, but he wasn't the missing piece to their puzzle or anything.  Maybe I'm reading too much into the whole thing, but I see much more difficulty in the future of the union than the made for TV love story we've subjected ourselves to.  

Can I please wax Ali's brother's eyebrows? 

Chris gets the second family date, and to no one's surprise, they adore him.  Why?  My guess would be, aside from being the dreamiest of dreamies, is that he's a grown up.  I go back to Roberto being 26, just out of minor league ball, living in Charleston, SC, and being a horny little fucker.  That's GREAT for Mr. Right Now.  Not so great for Mr. Right.  So, the question is, can Mr. Right Now turn into Mr. Right?  I don't know.  Maybe.  I remember a time when my husband was Mr. Right Now.  Probably a few times.  I remember falling in lust with a whole slew of men (not all at the same time) hoping that they'd make the transition, and usually falling short.  And, it's not that I think long lasting love should be void of fireworks, because I absolutely don't.  But I also think there's a lot to be said for slow and steady.  To me, there was nothing boring about Chris.  Just a lot of practicality.  Practicality is the new black for me, especially as I sit here trying to figure out how we're paying the mortgage this month or how I'm trying to work through not liking the man I love very much today.  Tomorrow's a new day.  

Then again, I also realize we are where we are because we got piss drunk at 5 o'clock on some random Friday at Monty's on the Beach while taking lemon drop shots with beer chasers.  Talk about fireworks.  The rest is history.  

I really didn't get Ali's dad's point on Chris.  He lost me.  I was much more in tune with what Ali's sister was saying.  Go, Ali's sister.  Dude, they look nothing alike.  None of them!  So weird.  Not even a slight resemblance.   

Last date number 1 - Roberto.  Oh, the infamous gift scene.  Always so awkward because you know that gift is going in the garbage if she picks someone else.  Can someone tell Roberto he has a really, really bad sweating problem??  Do you guys think the producers pick random pictures to be framed on these remote locations and then offer them up as final gifts?  Roberto has very nice handwriting.  That right there will make my knees buckle.  If there's one common thread between the men I've loved it's been nice handwriting.  *swoon*.

Last date number 2.   Ahhhh, the moment of truth.  I have to give it to her.  I have to tip my hat to Ali and congratulate her for being one classy lady.  There's a lot to be said for not going into the Final Rose "not knowing" who you're going to pick.  Really, what you don't know is who's going to pick you back.  And I do admire her for letting go of her safety net to spite his feelings.  If I wasn't so heartbroken for him, I would probably feel much more warm and fuzzy towards her for it, but I can't right now.  Cut me some slack, I just finished watching.  

I don't have any doubts that Chris will be ok.  What I really hope for him is that he goes back to his life in Cape Cod, never to be seen again.  I would be disappointed if he became a fame whore.  I want him to disappear just like Reid from Philadelphia.  Not because I won't miss him, but because I'm pretty sure he'll be just fine and even better if he just goes back to being Chris the Landscaper with the chocolate lab and the perfect dad.  Chris, me and more than half of America love you.  I know, I know...what a consolation.

Did you guys totally chuckle when Roberto turns to Neil Lane and says "I know you know how I feel, Neil".  Um, why no, Roberto, actually, I don't!  Buahahahahaha!  Roberto totally flipped out.  I thought he was going to have a nervous breakdown and it is so amazing to me to see the fight or flight response in other people.  He went from picking a ring to "I'm not going to do anything that doesn't feel right blah blah blah".  Poor guy.  

Loved loved loved the wide collar on his shirt.  And he gets extra points ala Valkyrie's scoring system for wearing flat front pants.  A few points deducted for the shoes.  And a few more added for the sleek navy blue suit.  

In the end, I was much more emotional about Elton John having sold out to The Bachelorette than I was about the proposal.  

Signing off, 

Team Chris.   

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Ali- Episode I Lost Count Part III: Picture Perfect

I am a traveler.  I am both fascinated and offended by people who have never been on a plane.  I have a very clear memory of being a teeny tiny toddler and not being able to walk on a plane due to the movement so I just got on all fours and crawled.  One of the most exciting things for me ever is going through "the tunnel".  You know, the part that connects the airport terminal with the plane?  So much excitement in so little square footage!  There are very few places I don't want to go and there are very few I really, really want to go to...anything else falls in the category of "give me an excuse and I'm there".  Chicago is one of my very few places I really want to go to.  

It's no secret that Frank has been one of my favorites since the first night.  But, I knew at some point, his bipolar tendencies would get to me, as I suspected they'd get to her.  I'm not sure what's going on this season, but the producers aren't doing too great of a job of relaying these "connections" Ali has with the guys.  Maybe it's as Valk says -- she is the one who isn't really ready to connect or open up, despite all her proclamations.   I mean, I know she's into Frank, but she makes some pretty bold statements to him that make me wonder what I missed.  Here's the thing:  I think Frank is right to be reserved.  Frank has said repeatedly that when he marries, it's just once and it's forever.  While you can hear that and think, "ho ho ho, what youthful optimism!", after meeting his family, I can see he means it and don't think she should be the one to take that away from him.  

She has no idea what she wants.  At first, she wanted to find true love with Jake.  Then she left Jake because she couldn't take such a chance and risk her "career".  Then , she changed her mind and wanted back on for Jake.  Then, she was happy she stuck it out with Facebook.  And then, she became the Bachelorette.  And she still doesn't seem to know what she wants.  All that is ok for anyone.  But not at the expense of others' dreams and goals.  I felt this way when she was on her hometown date with Chris and it became clear to me now with Frank, too.  Maybe because those are the two poor schmucks who really have the most to lose should they not be the final one.  Shit, even despite being the final one, we all know the track record of the Bachelorette and well, at some point common sense has to kick in.  I get betting on the horse, but not when the horse has never ever won the fucking race, man...

This hometown with Frank, I didn't pick up on his manic depressiveness as much as I picked up on his hesitation.  And I applaud him for that.  Because it isn't about who is standing on top of a mountain with a gorgeous blue-green sea behind them while cotton candy clouds float above at just the moment that seagulls are doing Blue Angels-type formations on the "Final Rose".  It's about forever.  It's definitely about forever for Chris and Frank.  The other two - Kirk and Roberto - meh.  Not so much.  

What can I say?  His family was pretty "amazing"...hahahahaha!  No, really, they were super duper fabulous.  I loved his dad.  I've got dad issues.  But his mom was awesome, too and Ali did seem to fit right in.  I mean, if it were me, I'd be a tad bit concerned that he's the manager at the GAP although I'd be secretly coveting my Banana Republic discounts, but would it be a deal breaker?  Maybe not, depending on the reality of his long term goals.  It's not about the money, but it is about security.  When money problems are always in the top 1-2 spots for reasons for divorce, you'd be silly not to think about how are you guys going to make it happen.  Whenever we would tell my mom about a guy we liked (and this started with the very first guy we liked), she used to always ask "A que dedica su tiempo libre?" which translates to "what does he do with his spare time?".  It was always an annoying question because what she wanted to know was did he have aspirations to be the next big doctor or lawyer, but to a certain extent, she was right.  FTR, I did not marry a doctor or a lawyer and have never dated anyone who was oozing with money, but I did marry someone who had conviction, drive, and WORK ETHIC.  So that's really what I'm talking about.  Work ethic.  Is Frank still content with backpacking France and living in hostels while he pursues his screenwriting hobby or is he going to get things done?  But really, those should be her concerns and regardless of the answer to her concerns, I still think Frank should RUN.  Run, Frank, run!!

I see a lot of myself in Frank.  Yes, ladies, I am totally manic depressive.  Hahahahaha!  It isn't because I am really, I don't think -- but it is because Ray and I speak different love languages.  Now, I'm not talking about some new age hippie self help book -- I'm simply talking about the way we express ourselves and interpret loving acts are completely different.  And that is a hard (not impossible) wall to come up against constantly.  So, what happens?  You do get that need for consistent reassurance.  And it probably does get annoying.  But it isn't going to change for many years to come because I suspect all that gets easier with the years you commit to learning how to communicate.  As perfect as they all seemed, my vote is a no for Frank and Ali. 

Alright, let me pause for a moment before getting to the Rose Ceremony to vent.  Was anyone else absolutely floored and insulted that she literally brought "wine from Portugal" to each and every fucking family?!  I'm really big on individuality and if I was any of these families, I would call up Kirk's dad and have her fucking head taxidermied for having the audacity to do one bundle gift to each and every one of them, I don't care how good the wine from Portugal is.  The fact that while in Portugal and on her date with Chris, Ali asked if his family liked wine and then said she would be taking THEM wine as a gift for the hometown only amped up the insulting factor by like a GAZILLION.  Ugh!  

How about the kissing?  Four hometown dates in one week.  I've dated four guys at the same time before.  But none of them on the same level of  seriousness and even without that same level of seriousness, I don't think I saw them all in one week and definitely didn't swap spit with all of them in that one week either.  I would just be totally weirded out by the whole thing.  It weirded me out watching her do it.   I'm also a lot like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman (no, not getting paid to have sex part-- the kissing part) and so spit swapping is really intimate, but still.  Ew.  

The Rose Ceremony.  Forget who you think she was going to send home, who do you guys feel needed to go home?  I definitely felt it was Kirk.  And not because I don't like him.  Simply because it is a little weird that he's never had his heart broken.  It is a little weird that he doesn't bring girls home.  I mean, it's flattering to be the first girl a guy brings home when you're in ummm, say, 10th grade?  But at 27?  Not so much.  I get he went through a lot with his cancer (did he have leukemia?), but even that tells me they aren't really a good fit.  Ali can be deep and down to Earth and all those wonderful things, but she would not be human if she didn't secretly wonder if he was going to come out of remission at some point.  This didn't happen years ago, it was recent.  There just seemed to be too much baggage at the same time that there didn't seem to be enough.  

But you know, I don't have the greatest amount of faith in Ali so I for sure thought she was going to say bye to Roberto or Chris, which I was prepared for.  I almost feel she should say goodbye to Roberto.  And not worry for a second that someone more fitting isn't going to snatch him up before she can blink.  But he's YOUNG.  And he's had a pretty exciting life.  I used to date a minor leaguer once and I can't even tell you the amount of pussy those guys get.  There are serious groupies who just hang out at each and every game and they get laid DAILY.  I promise.  No, really, I do, because this guy was nowhere near as cute as Roberto (well, maybe he was) and he would call me to set up a date WHILE there was some chic riding him in his hotel room.  I wish I were kidding.  And he isn't the exception.  His loser friend had the same treatment.  So, let's do the math... He went to U of Tampa and presumably graduated from there (although that is a presumption, but why would he want to hang out at the school he never got a degree from?) so that makes him 22 and then he spent at least 1-2 years playing in the minors so that makes him 24, then another year to get back to real life, 25 and now he's how old?  26.  I just looked it up.  He's 26 years old.  Yeah.  Run, Roberto, RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

She continues to be hesitant about Chris and I think Valk is 100% correct.  She's hesitant about herself.  So, personally, Chris needs to run.  Because he really deserves nothing less and shouldn't settle for anything other than this soulmate love his father talks about.  You can make love happen.  You really can.  I used to date a guy who didn't believe in soulmates.  He pretty much felt that when a guy was ready he could pick a girl - any girl - and make it work.  I was young and naive and oh so offended at that thought.  But, he was right.  He really was.  And he was healthy.  There's a lot to be said about such a practical view on love.  It should be no surprise that after years of waiting for his soulmate to come back, he went on one date, got the girl pregnant and is now married with 2 kids.  Is he through the roof happy?  I don't know personally but I hear he is not.  But, his life is practical.  Practicality wins every time, ladies.  

Gosh, I'm feeling cynical this morning!!  For the record, I do think it's possible to be with your soulmate and be practical as well.  But I also believe we have soul paths much more than soulmates so now my definition of soulmate is ending up with who you were supposed to be with on your path in life rather than this cosmic connection that is bigger than anything else.  I think both can exist.  I think both can be healthy.  And I think once in a while, those two collide.  Which is magical.  Hence, Chris' dad and mom. 

So, going in to the Rose Ceremony, my bets were on Roberto because he looked really disheveled and that's always a sign of the guy who's going home, or Frank.  Frank because I felt she'd gotten fed up with the neediness.  

Despite my disgust for his full body blushing, I cried when she sent Kirk home.  I could never ever be the Bachelorette because a) I'm married and b) I could never break up with so many someones.  I am the most in your face person you will probably ever meet, but I am the most passive aggressive breaker upper ever.  I will do things to get you to dump me, but I just can't bring myself to pull the trigger.  So, I think I was crying for her.  It can't be easy.  I was also crying for him but in a hopeful way.  He doesn't see that this is the beginning of true love for him because as sad as it is, you do need to have your heart broken a few times to learn how to love.  Ugh...I just typed that and thought of my boys and my stomach turned.  I'll kill the bitch who breaks their heart...

So, final 3 in Tahiti are Roberto, Chris and Frank.  I don't like her for any of them, but I think the one who would recover the easiest is Roberto so I'm hoping she picks him in the end. 

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Ali- Episode I Lost Count - Part II: So Many Possibilities

Ok, so maybe this is going to be a three-part post...

Oh man, I just finished watching the Kirk date!!!!!  I think I need to surveymonkey this bad boy!  I mean, should I call it the "Holy Braces!" episode?  How about Taxidermy Overkill?  hahahaha!  Or, ummm, what about "Holy Schnauzes!" I think I'll go with just plain fucking creepy.  Please, please, please don't be offended...but you midwesterners are all a bunch of kooks!  I have yet to meet a midwesterner I am not completely jaw dropping appalled over. that I have successfully tanked any chance of making it big as a Bachelor blogger, let me get on with the 3rd hometown date! 

Holy hell... what in God's name was all that business?!?!  Ok, let me just admit I can't stand Kirk.  His accent drives me batty.  His whole body blushing grosses me the fuck out and his beatie little eyes creep me out.  There's something about his fingers and the way he holds her head when he kisses her that makes me want to puke, too.  Really, I just can't stand him.  But, aside from all that, even if I thought he was fabu, which I do not, I have to tell you that if I'm on a reality dating show trying to "find love", I think that the statistics of the probability of divorce when both man and woman come from divorced families would be killing me.  I am also completely uber sensitive to the whole divorce issue, but I can never get those stats out of my head.  To further complicate my flight responses, hearing that his parents don't talk at all would make it all too weird for me.  Not that it's weird that they don't talk - my parents don't - but because I know how much more that adds to the dysfunctionality of it all.  

Anyway, what's up with Kirk's stepmom?  In the wise words of Austin Powers, "is that a man,baby?".  When I heard her talk I was like "whoa".    Also, for the record, if any father of any man I hardly know begins our first meeting with "so, do you want to go to my basement?", I would not be at all shocked to find out he keeps body parts next to popsicles.  Not one bit.  I'm just sayin'. 

I was really uncomfortable for her in both houses.  We'll get to Kirk's mom in a second.  Even if she is really down to Earth, which I don't doubt, she's still way too Hollywood for all of them.  It was like an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies or something.  I know Kirk was saying something to his little sister while on the couch, but I couldn't get past the redness of his face and neck.  Ew.  

Ok, Kirk Date Part II:  Awww, all the women in his life. So many red flags going up there, too, and I have no idea why. Lol.   At this point, I'm just picking on him.  My first reaction when they walked in was "holy Moses, all I see is BRACES!".  And then it turned into, "Oh WOW, I can't concentrate on dinner conversation because all I see is NOSES!".  And then it morphed into "could you imagine the size of the schnauz on their kid should Kirk and Ali have a baby?!".   I know you can't control who you fall in love with, but make no mistake about it, you most definitely CAN control who you procreate with. 

As you very well should.  

Ali - Episode I Lost Count

I know, I know...I've been lost.  I can't even tell you what it's been like at my house and quite frankly, the last 2 episodes before home visits weren't funny at all.  BOH-RING! 

First, let me say right now that I have not finished watching last night's episode.  I am two parting it and thus, two parting this blog.  Woo hoo!  But, I needed to comment right here and right now.

Where do I start?  Well, aside from the fact that I really Ali, I will start with first hometown date and Robertoh!  Wooooo hooooooooooo, Robertoooooooooooooooooooo!  Listen, Ali, you are not the only one who thinks a man in a baseball uniform is the sexiest thing EVAH!  I really don't know what you've got, Ali, that has this small group of seemingly fabulous men so hooked on you.  I just don't see it.  But anyway. 

Umm, Roberto's family was soooo the typical hispanic family.  I am almost certain that he is NOT Cuban, but it was so eerily familiar- the entire scene (minus the lasagna they had for dinner).  Here's the thing:  it's really hard for a white girl to infiltrate and not feel threatened.  Shit, it's hard for a non-carribean hispanic girl to infiltrate and not feel threatened.  Did you notice how Roberto, Sr. started the talk?  He said to her there was no doubt in his mind that she had a pretty AMAZING guy and he wanted to know what SHE was bringing to the table.  And that folks, is it right there...

You probably don't realize it, but in a lot of families, it's thought that the woman will now somehow "complete" the situation and nope, not for Roberto's family (or Ray's for that matter).  They are blessed to be viewed as the "perfect sons", so really, there isn't anything that can tamper with perfection.  The incoming woman then is only viewed in terms of how she won't negatively impact the son.  It isn't as cynical as I am making it seem, but, it's still exactly how I am describing it.  

Which is why his father had such a problem with her stressing the importance of her career and of HER happiness in order to make HIM happy.  I mean, that's all good and fine in theory, but at the end of the day, what are you going to do for your man to make sure he's happy?  Because if you do for him, he does for you.  This is a lesson the hispanic community understands, but it seems the "American" community is in constant struggle with.  You know, woman's right's and shit.  It is best summed up like this:  My husband is the King of my world and I treat him as such willingly as much as he demands to be treated so.  The flip side is that since he is the King, make no mistake about it-- I am the Queen and I get treated as such.  You'd be hardpressed to find a wife married to a happy hispanic that isn't pretty happy herself.  It's really a pretty cool deal as long as you take the "feminist" struggles out of it.   

Anyway, I'm rambling.  My gut feeling is basically that while Roberto and Ali have a really, really good connection and seem really happy together, they will live a life of struggle.  She may pick him in the end, but she will never be happy.  And neither will he.

Let's fast forward to Hometown Date 2.  And he's the reason I need to write today.  I am so sad after watching that date!  I felt so much for him and his family and was just a mess.   I feel like she doesn't get how amazing he is and how amazing they all are and how, in the end, they are really the perfect fit for her.   She doesn't have the same connection she has with Roberto, that's for sure.  But if what she wants is happiness...if what she wants is career...if what she wants is to be the one in charge (which is what I gather), then what she wants is Chris.

I swear, I could have taken his dad home with me.  I had a lot of emotion over that episode and I'm not sure why.  Maybe it was all the soulmate talk.  If you compare the two, you'll see what I'm talking about.  Chris' dad was very excited about what Ali would bring to the family...he felt that was part of her role.  He felt she would help complete and heal.  Chris probably feels the same way.  That's something she'll never ever get with Roberto's family and maybe she'll always feel she isn't ever good enough. 

I don't doubt it.