Ali- Episode 1: Racial Profiling

So I promised my sweet Jode that I would get her a blog asap....and I broke my promise.  BUT, the only way I found it remotely possible to remember anything was to jot down notes in an email to myself as I was watching the episode.  So this will start out more like a "liveblogging", but I'm not sure how that's going to flow.  Hmmm, how about the liveblogging first and then my aftershow commentary?  We'll try that...

Hmmmm, where to start?  Freaky creepy poltergeistish/exorcist silhouette.  How about the fabulous red dress she is wearing??  I fell in love!  With the dress.  Alright, limos are arriving.  Um, why would you wear a black dress when you are the star??  I know, I know, I'm so anti black dresses.  But seriously!  How do you go from being the beautiful in yellow belle of the ball to BLACK?!  Boh-ring!!!  

Woo hoooo!  First limo:  Whoa...cat calls & whistles from the first limo??  So not cool.  Did that guy really just use some friggin HORRIBLE line about being 'peculiar'? Oh God. Oh no.  Say it ain't so. 

Wait.  Jim?!  The guy who came after the guy with a cast?? Total serial killer. And then the other 2 guys after? Yeah, that's the reject limo.  Give me a chance?!  Oh man you haven't even made it inside without tripping yet, fuck yer damn "chance".

Ding, ding, ding!   3rd limo.  Cat calls again.  But definitely less busted than Limo 2.  So fine, overlooking the cat calls in favor of cuties....please continue...

Hotel Business Development Guy and a CZ? Ugggggggggggggggh!!!!  Jonathan the Weather Man?! Why are they trying to cast a Reid wannabe?!  Except doesn't Ali or better yet, the producers,know that all weathermen are gay?  Duh! Ahahahahaha- did that guy just fuck up with the cowboy boots?!  Well, she went in too far for the hug anyway. 

Ooh, Limo 5 has at least 2 other serial killers on board, too.  Oooooh, lPhilip from Chi-town! has potential...  Shooter? With the stoner frat boy look? Wha? Ok, love love love the landscaper from cape cod!

Woo hoo, everyone's in the house and now the piranhas start coming out.  Dewd, what is *up* with the overzealous consultant turned paris screenwriter??  Ahahahahahahahahahaha! A scrapbook?!?!  Sorry, buddy-- I draw the line at male scrapbooking.  That's right up there with speedos. And, um, being a one-minute man!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah, that's where my liveblogging stopped.  So now on to my aftershow commentary:

Oh man, does Ali not know about the nationwide controversy regarding racial profiling?  She was like a moth to a flame with that Roberto!  I prefer to call him Token Latin Guy ("TLG").  You know, Juan with Jillian and now Roberto with Ali?  TLG, baby!  You know, he's not my type.  He's cutie, but very homey.  Not homo, just homey.  I like 'em a little saucier.  And just cause he dances the salsa doesn't mean he's saucy!

I am sooooooo blown away by the fucking amount of blow outs!!!!!  What the hell is going on with these boys blowdrying their hair?!  Ray hates the metrosexuals.  You should hear him talk about the metros.  He cracks me up.  Like all prejudices, a lot of it stems from his limited exposure ... you know metrosexualism is very common in places like NYC and does not at all coincide with homosexuality.  But he's still funny to listen to.  Don't you dare tell him your boyfriend waxes his eyebrows or anything like that ("It's a fine line, Kuki, a fine line...").  Ok, back to the show.

What was the name of the serial killer she kept?  The one that ends up slitting his wrists?  He so fucking freaks me out!!!!!!!!!!!!  Don't you wonder what the hell is going through her head?!  They should have a no alcohol policy on the first night for the Bachelor/ette.  Because everyone can see he's a few screws away from coming undone and yet, she can't?  Do they purposefully cast people who have no people reading skills?

The damn box.  You know, in the past 2 shows, when they've used the box, it's always made complete sense to me.  The first one they picked that annoying girl (Megan?) and she really was annoying and then with Jillian they picked Wes and well, we know where that went!  I can't remember if they used it for Jake, but I want to say I think they did and it was Triple V?  But this time...this time, I don't get why him showing his "Rated-R" shirt caused so much fucking controversy!   It was not the Rated R shirt.  It was that Justin is damn sex-hay and he's limping and well, all those damn girls have Nightingale Syndrome.  The only thing that blows is that I think he's the one with the girlfriend.  That's the way it looked to me from the previews.  That would suck.  I don't want to be wrong about his dreamy dimple and dark thick hair.  Besides, if what you do is  "entertainment" wrestle professionally, then of course the girl you might marry (barf!) is going to want to know your stage name!!  I don't know how that was a publicity stunt.  At least I did not at all see it in the same way I saw Wes.  The fucking GORGEOUS guy Graham (Triple G) from the Deanna show who was a basketball player in Europe came on the show and wasn't accused of publicity stunting.  Guys are just as envious and catty as girls, I see.  Besides, I do not know how in the world they picked Justin over CBO (Canadia with the blowout).  I mean really. 

I was not at all weirded out by Cape Cod Chris (Triple C and I swear I have no idea how the triples keep coming up!) deciding to bypass the information about his mother dying.  It was only a month ago.  Or was it a year?  Meh, potatoes, potahtoes.   He probably hasn't been able to completely come to terms with saying the "d" word and even if he has, maybe he has the emotional maturity to know that telling someone your mom just died is a total buzzkill and could either keep you in the game as someone playing the sympathy card OR take you out of the game as someone who has way too much current emotional baggage.  He looks pretty competitive and it seemed to me that he wants to win solely on merit.  I gave him props for that.  Besides, he's from Cape Cod!!  

Speaking of geographical location, I know Texas is one of the biggest states, but why oh why are so many damn contestants from there?!  Are the Bach headquartes in Texas?!  It is so fucking annoying!  Florida always gets a sympathy contestant, lately Canada has been getting TWO, the midwest about 4, New York around 2 and then the entire rest of all casts are from damn Texas.  Deanna.  Jake.  Melissa.  20 of the 25 guys from this season... you get my point.   I'm not sure if opening it up to Canada annoys me more or less than allowing Texas to monopolize.  They should instill a "no taxation without representation" casting rule.  That would make things interesting!

Is it me or do they all seem really short?!  And, um, I'm 5'1 so for me to think they all look really short is saying a lot.  

That was it for me.  I'm dying to hear about the ear guy.  I didn't notice.  I am also waiting to see if they end up cutting out the wrist slitting scene the same way they cut out the Tenley's pregnant scene and the Reid couldn't get it up scene.  Highly annoying.  And this season, I will not let, under any circumstances, the girl from work who reads all the damn spoilers tell me who's going to win.  Can you believe I spent the entire season-- as in from the first day -- knowing he was going to pick Triple V?  It was really anti-climactic for me.  I don't want to ruin it this time.  And that's easy to do when there aren't any clear personal faves.

Ok, so who do you guys predict?  I say it's going to be Triple C.   Or at least it should be!  They're both from MA.  And yes, they should get married just because of that.   I like Mr. Peculiar as well.  Yeahp bad suit and all...