Ali- Episode 3-Part 2: Here for the Right Reasons!

Ohhhh yeah...the benefits of splitting this blog up in two parts is not needing to be torn on the title! Woot woot!!

Before I start, I want to reply to Valk's comments (thank you, btw, for keeping my mind off the surgery).  First, Gay Weatherman does not need a Prozac...he needs a Cockzac.  ASAP.  And despite my beers and mango margaritas I do remember your number rating system which I absolutely LOVED.  Cape Cod Chris is totally a +20.  I just love him.  And I would love to be on a trip to the Cod with my favorite hippie Republican the only hippie Republican I know.   Hee heee heee.   Also, I think Daniel is totally right.  I mean, c'mon...the hot tub scene which was more of a spectacle was totally unwarranted.  I don't like it when the guys make out in front of the other girls, I surely am going to be put off when the girls do it.  But thank you, Daniel, for putting the right emphasis on it - que puta! Did he say anything about the car scenes?  That's just funny.  However, I must deduct about a gazillion points from Daniel for not spotting the TGG (Token Gay Guy).  Because for  all his sexy manliness, I am sure your Daniel would not be caught dead in a tight white jacket with a sexy purple shirt underneath.  And let's not even bring up the crying.  There's no crying in speedos!!  EVERRRRR!

Ok, where were we?  Ah, yes...the "controversial" scene.   Let me try and take myself back a little...  In the beginning of the show, Chris Harrison walks in and says, in a weird, on the spot kind of way, that things are heating up and the guys have to do "anything they can" to get some alone time with Ali, right?  And then, Rated-R goes on this group date where he can't get into the hot tub, where he's stuck doing the House of Pain (jump around, jump around, jump up jump up and get down!) again, but I can't remember when the second one on one date card comes in.  Regardless, the show made is seem as if the dates are all back to back to back and that Rated-R decided the morning after his group date to break free and One-Leg-Up it all the way to her house, right?  Are we supposed to believe this?  Am I supposed to believe that no other person in Bach history has ever tried to go to the contestant's house?  Oh, wait, Wes snuck into Jillian's balcony when they were staying on site.  And, well, we all know what a douche Wes turned out to be.  But seriously?  And so since it's so forbidden, as they make it seem, we're supposed to think that the security guards just let him out of his house, gave him directions to her house and drove behind him at super duper slow speed while filming his hobble up and down these crazy California mountains, until he gets to her house?  Ok, whatevs!  

Did they kiss or anything while they were there?   I was on Facebook when that scene was going on so I wasn't paying too much attention.  I really wasn't as offended or outraged as all the other guys were, only because I think if anyone else would have thought of it, they would have done the same thing.  The guy isn't really that off when he says he's been at a huge disadvantage because of his cast.  I mean huge might be a bit of an exaggeration, but you know, he did have to limp around during the sandy calendar scene, he wasn't able to go in the hot tub, and he's always the slowest one to get to her when the guys start their massive swarming.  However, when I realized it was cutting into Hunter's date, then I was a little put off.  Not because I think her and Hunter would have had some connection had the date had the chance to last 2 more hours, (OMG, could you just imagine that date lasting TWO MORE HOURS?!) but because maybe she was so over the moon with his supposed 5 mile hobble that she didn't really give him the time of day.  What I can't figure out is how she translated his move into "he really showed me he'll do anything for me".  But hey, if it works for you...  Soooo, do we think he hobbled back down or does someone think maybe he caught a ride?  Hahahaha!  I was also wondering why no one picked him up.  You really think those roads were so isolated that not one person driving them saw a film crew and a hot guy in crutches and didn't offer to give him a lift?  This one I'm just not buying. 

Do we have to talk about Hunter's date?  All I can remember is the cricket noises the sound guy cleverly put in during their outdoor fireplace scene.  I get the producer's her rationale behind picking a stay at home date, but really?  Do we really think that the atmosphere had nothing to do with her intense emotions over guys like Frank and Jesse (that's DGG- I remembered his name)?  I purposely left out Roberto because I can pretty much assure it doesn't matter where those two are, he would create a spark.   You know, maybe Frank wasn't soooo dreamy (you girls totally tainted me!), but being under the Old Hollywood sign was and wow!  As much as I want it to be otherwise, DGG is a friggin' bore, yet I know from experience one can assume that the backdrop of Vegas added a storyline in Ali's mind that just wasn't there.  Not to get all scientific here, but there are certain hormones in play when you're feeling all high which are the same hormones in play when you're feeling in love.  These show people really know what they're doing and next time Ray tells me I'm an idiot for believing that people can fall in love in a few weeks, I will explain to him how this "love" is biologically induced.  Pft.  Which brings us back to poor, big eared (was he the Uke guy?) Hunter, his boring stay at home date and and his packed bags.  Wuahwahwah.

What was fucked up about it all was Rated-R's insistence that Hunter was going home.  I'm not down with  even a slight air of entitlement from anyone, not even someone as hot as you, RR!  I can't bear to hear Kasey speak -- I realize he probably has a hearing aid so that's mean for me to say -- but it isn't even that, it's just that he looks totally fucking creepy and really, hasn't ever said anything or done anything that warrants him being kept.  But it's still early enough where she isn't really getting rid of people who haven't wowed her, she's still eliminating people who have offended her.  Ugh, I got sidetracked.  Alright, so then there was the male hot tub scene where Rated-R starts crying.  There's just way too much crying on this show, and oddly enough, it isn't from the Bachelorette.  I get the need to show these guys how genuine you are and I really do feel bad for him because I know what it feels like to be somewhere you are hated.  Right now, we don't know whether there is or isn't a reason for it, other than maybe all these guys are mad that the WWF turned into the WWE?  Or that Hulk Hogan sold out to MTV.  I mean really, I don't know.  I get that wrestling is lame and all, but I don't get all the envy.  But anyway, the hot tub scene is where we started to hear the guys moan and groan about who was there "for the right reasons".  Let's just break that little cliche apart right here, right now.  What are the "right reasons"?  Does anyone really believe that any of those guys are there to "fall in love"?  I've never ever ever met a man worth a shit who at that age, was trying to fall in love.  Never.   So, are the "right reasons" wanting to make out with a hot girl on national TV?  How about trying to get laid with camera crews all around?  Hmmm, or promoting your shitty wrestling name?  I don't get it.  None of them, other than maybe the sorry sap of a Bachelorette, are "there for the right reasons".  I really hope you are all saying that aloud with me because while I'm typing, I am totally hearing it in chorus. 

Finally, we get to the cocktail party.  This big annoying guy, who really isn't any different than the big annoying guy in the Jillian season who kept referring to "Man Code" was bashing Rated-R.  And all the guys were just hovering around like he was some quarterback calling a play.  Why do guys do that?  I hate when I see men acting like girls. Why the gossiping?  This is why Ray won't watch the show with me.  Because he starts in on his never ending rant about how men don't learn how to be "men" in this day and age and he has no explanation for it other than to say it's just "being a man!".  That is probably because it doesn't translate over well, but basically it's what is called "condiciones de hombre", literally, conditions of a man.  Still a little vague, don't you think?  Anyway, so there in the background is little old Rated-R and I really appreciate the fact that he's able to confront them all and of course, they all get eerily quiet.  Because you know, for all the shit-talking they do, none of them want to say it in his face.  But they do, and then he goes off and cries.  I felt bad for him.  It has to suck to be in some strange house with a bunch of guys trying to get with "your" girl and then on top of that, they all hate you.  Part of what I love most about this show is seeing the friendships form and seeing how upset the other contestants are when one of their friends doesn't get a rose.  I think I love it so because I think it's unrealistic or maybe even impossible, so it's always a nice surprise for me.

Who did she talk to during the cocktail party?   Did she talk to Psycho Frank?  I can't remember.  I remember she spoke to Kasey.  And she spoke to Roberto.  And this is where Roberto gave me a slight case of heebie jeebies.  Because it was Roberto who then went running in to tell allll the other guys that Justin had gone to her house.  Again, way too girlie for me.  Ray was watching at that point and I asked him why he was so offended by that (his rant started).  I wanted to know what he would have done differently and his response was he would have gone straight up to Rated-R and talked to him about it and then left it at that.  He says the way Roberto ran to tell everyone else was totally uncalled for.  I can see his point. 

Anyway, in the end, Gay Weatherman gets a rose and so does Rated-R.  The End.  Oh, if only it were so.  Gay Weatherman gets a rose?!  So weird.   She axed the nice guy who made a picnic for her in front of the house, and since right now, she's still about eliminating only those who offend, I can only assume he had really, really bad breath. 

Next week, they go somewhere fun and I swear I thought I saw pee trickling down Gay Weatherman's leg when she let them know.  Why aren't all the manly men ranking on the sissy?  Why are they all hung up on Rated-R?

We shall see...