Ali- Episode I Lost Count - Part II: So Many Possibilities

Ok, so maybe this is going to be a three-part post...

Oh man, I just finished watching the Kirk date!!!!!  I think I need to surveymonkey this bad boy!  I mean, should I call it the "Holy Braces!" episode?  How about Taxidermy Overkill?  hahahaha!  Or, ummm, what about "Holy Schnauzes!" I think I'll go with just plain fucking creepy.  Please, please, please don't be offended...but you midwesterners are all a bunch of kooks!  I have yet to meet a midwesterner I am not completely jaw dropping appalled over.  So...now that I have successfully tanked any chance of making it big as a Bachelor blogger, let me get on with the 3rd hometown date! 

Holy hell... what in God's name was all that business?!?!  Ok, let me just admit I can't stand Kirk.  His accent drives me batty.  His whole body blushing grosses me the fuck out and his beatie little eyes creep me out.  There's something about his fingers and the way he holds her head when he kisses her that makes me want to puke, too.  Really, I just can't stand him.  But, aside from all that, even if I thought he was fabu, which I do not, I have to tell you that if I'm on a reality dating show trying to "find love", I think that the statistics of the probability of divorce when both man and woman come from divorced families would be killing me.  I am also completely uber sensitive to the whole divorce issue, but I can never get those stats out of my head.  To further complicate my flight responses, hearing that his parents don't talk at all would make it all too weird for me.  Not that it's weird that they don't talk - my parents don't - but because I know how much more that adds to the dysfunctionality of it all.  

Anyway, what's up with Kirk's stepmom?  In the wise words of Austin Powers, "is that a man,baby?".  When I heard her talk I was like "whoa".    Also, for the record, if any father of any man I hardly know begins our first meeting with "so, do you want to go to my basement?", I would not be at all shocked to find out he keeps body parts next to popsicles.  Not one bit.  I'm just sayin'. 

I was really uncomfortable for her in both houses.  We'll get to Kirk's mom in a second.  Even if she is really down to Earth, which I don't doubt, she's still way too Hollywood for all of them.  It was like an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies or something.  I know Kirk was saying something to his little sister while on the couch, but I couldn't get past the redness of his face and neck.  Ew.  

Ok, Kirk Date Part II:  Awww, all the women in his life. So many red flags going up there, too, and I have no idea why. Lol.   At this point, I'm just picking on him.  My first reaction when they walked in was "holy Moses, all I see is BRACES!".  And then it turned into, "Oh WOW, I can't concentrate on dinner conversation because all I see is NOSES!".  And then it morphed into "could you imagine the size of the schnauz on their kid should Kirk and Ali have a baby?!".   I know you can't control who you fall in love with, but make no mistake about it, you most definitely CAN control who you procreate with. 

As you very well should.