I keep wondering why Bravo doesn't have a Miami series, but I think it's because they just want to keep reinventing the wheel. And it seems they did just that with this one. Let me say I love it so far, mostly because it feels like you're watching a perfect morphing of the Orange County and Atlanta Housewives.
Episode 2 starts off with a very animated and overly-staged scene where Tareq (Mr. White House Crasher) brings his wife into their living room where there's some random guy selling overpriced luxury items to her for her birthday. It was like an uppity tupperware party for 2. If they do Miami, I can take them to the parking lot of my job where the girl from the office next to mine sells counterfeit bags out of her trunk. I'm just sayin'. Michaele (Mrs. White House Crasher) goes on to tell us that people think she's in her 30s, which of course begs the question "which people?", but she's really 44. Her husband, who is on the shorter, more plump side, treats her like the trophy wife she wants to be and lets her pick everything, despite starting out with telling her to only get one item. Then, he brings her outside and gives her a horse. At which point, she looks less than thrilled (understandably so since a) she doesn't ride and b) she looks like the slightest little bump on the road may break her in half). Um, she goes on to name the horse Sparkle.
The next scene is Mary, who is currently the crowd fave (at least she's this crowd of one's fave) never mind her bizarre behavior at her birthday dinner in the season premiere where she wants the black salons and white salons to get together and sing Kumbaya, having her housekeeper clean after her 23 year old daughter's hairy, hairy, hairy dog. Mary says she can't stand the hair, but is so happy to have Lolly back. Lolly's the daughter, btw, not the dog.
Mary goes to lunch with Kat, who's married to the British White House Photographer who has held that title for both the Bush and Obama administrations, and who so far has been nothing other than completely inappropriate. It's just Mary's luck that Lolly works as a server at the restaurant where they're having lunch and when Mary tells Kat that Lolly is back after having moved out to live with her boyfriend but then broke up, berates Mary for being a push over. Kat's not at all embarrassed to tell us all that she's dying for her daughters to move out and once they're gone, they're not allowed back. Kat seems to be completely oblivious to other people's uncomfortable vibes, in this case Mary's, and continues to steamroll her and her parenting by interrogating Lolly on why she doesn't pick up after her own dog and why she's back in her mom's house. Mary leaves Lolly a nice large tip, which Kat somehow seems to notice, and berates her some more. And here I thought it was rude to look at the bill when you aren't the one paying.
The next scene is Mary, who is currently the crowd fave (at least she's this crowd of one's fave) never mind her bizarre behavior at her birthday dinner in the season premiere where she wants the black salons and white salons to get together and sing Kumbaya, having her housekeeper clean after her 23 year old daughter's hairy, hairy, hairy dog. Mary says she can't stand the hair, but is so happy to have Lolly back. Lolly's the daughter, btw, not the dog.
Mary goes to lunch with Kat, who's married to the British White House Photographer who has held that title for both the Bush and Obama administrations, and who so far has been nothing other than completely inappropriate. It's just Mary's luck that Lolly works as a server at the restaurant where they're having lunch and when Mary tells Kat that Lolly is back after having moved out to live with her boyfriend but then broke up, berates Mary for being a push over. Kat's not at all embarrassed to tell us all that she's dying for her daughters to move out and once they're gone, they're not allowed back. Kat seems to be completely oblivious to other people's uncomfortable vibes, in this case Mary's, and continues to steamroll her and her parenting by interrogating Lolly on why she doesn't pick up after her own dog and why she's back in her mom's house. Mary leaves Lolly a nice large tip, which Kat somehow seems to notice, and berates her some more. And here I thought it was rude to look at the bill when you aren't the one paying.
This season, there's an accessory housewife named Paul Wharton, Stylist to the Celebrities. He's just the right amount of fabulous and not so over the top as Dwight from RHOA. Paul seems to do a little of playing both sides, being long time friends with Lynda, the owner of a D.C. modeling agency AND her nemesis, Michaele (Former Nordstrom's make up counter girl a/k/a Mrs. White House Crasher).
Michaele and Paul sit around planning a birthday party which Michaele decides she's going to throw for him. This is the second birthday party one of the Housewives have thrown for another in 2 shows, which is really making me wonder who is footing the bill. Michaele makes it known that Linda threw Paul's 30th party and she wants to make sure this one is bigger and better.
On the first episode, Kat the Bitch Brit went to the Americas Polo Club party, which Tareq and Michaele host. She "pinky swore", which she finds something reprehensible that the Americans do, to go riding horses with Michaele and begs Mary to tag along. Michaele told the girls the dress code was jeans (who asks what the dress code is to go riding horses?!) and both Kat and Mary are outraged at Michaele's get up, complete with jockey pants and riding boots. Tareq gives them a private polo lesson and at the end, he serves them "chardonnay". Which, judging by the head of foam, wasn't chardonnay. It was beer. Which is apparently very peculiar since he owns the vineyard where the girls are riding the horses at. Hmmmmm, the girls wonder...'why would he serve beer when he owns a vineyard??' Lucky for us, I'm sure we'll find out.
Here comes Stacie. Stacie is a D.C. native, the real estate agent of the group and so far, the one who is gunning for Kat's throat. You really can't blame her. In the season premiere, she went out of her way to invite Kat to her house where Janet Jackson's personal chef would be cooking for the girls. I'm not sure how they do things in London, but I thought it was universal knowledge that politics should never be discussed, especially at the dinner table. Well, Kat missed the memo and went on to detail why she loves Bush and how horrible Obama is (just so you know why, it's because Bush RSVPd to her wedding and Obama, gasp, did not). None of this would matter if she were at a Republican fundraiser, but she clearly didn't consider party affiliations before opening her mouth. Of course, it would not be D.C. if the race card weren't played out by the producers, and they're really trying to make the point that Kat is a racist and Stacie's going to be wronged by the uptight Brit. Let's just sit back and watch it unfold.
Stacie thinks it will be a great idea to invite alllllll the girls (minus Michaele) to her Aunt Florence's house for a good ol' down home southern dinner. She makes sure the point isn't lost on her husband that she'll be inviting Kat and the viewer gets the impression from the tone of the conversation that Stacie's trying to desensitize Kat to a black environment by making sure she's drowning in it. Kat is the first to arrive to Aunt Florence's house and makes it a point to let us know she's annoyed at being the only one there, which really comes off like her being annoyed that she's the only white one there. She comes in, bottle of wine in hand, and as soon as she says her pleasantries, blurts out "I'd like a drink, please". When Paul Wharton, the accessory Housewife arrives, she's quick to tell him that she's drinking some horrid wine that tastes 100 years old and makes him ask for some liquor. In her confessional, she announces "I won't get sick just for being polite". Two black men and a white guy go downstairs and discuss one of the guy's new patent on a penile volumetric measuring tool, which makes the white guy really uncomfortable. Apparently, the other black guy, too. To no one's surprise, Kat seems uncomfortable and the plates haven't even been cleared before she's rushing out the door. Once again, in her confessional, she willingly admits it "not being her kind of scene".
Michaele shows up to the party she's throwing for Paul with police escorts and a white stretch limo and seems to make it all about her and Tareq. There's tension between her and Lynda, who tells her over and over she needs to eat some fries and a burger. Which totally sucks because at this point, I want fries and a burger, thank you Chili's commercial.
Lots of interesting characters and lots of tension early on. If the White House Photographer still has a job after his wife's unrelenting gaffes, I'd be amazed. I think the White House is STUPID for even letting this air. I'm sure they must have confidentiality clauses with all their insiders, particularly the photographer. Between the White House Crashers and Kat the Brit, the show leaves you wondering why the White House Press Secretary isn't doing a better job of keeping the Administration OUT of the news instead of front and center. Trust me, all press is not good press, especially in such a volatile political climate and with elections going on. Kat's big mouth and Michaele's obsession with the limelight make the President look weak. And rightfully so.
Tune in next week!
