It's no surprise, really...

that I fell asleep again last night because the little one was bouncing on my head one more time.  Ha! But, don't worry...Wednesdays are my day off and despite the fact I should be studying my ass off, I instead spent the last two hours watching Monday night's Bachelor on TiVo.  Anyway, that's not how this post was supposed to start...

It's no surprise, really, that he sent Cory home.  But man, oh man, were we hoping it would go a different way!!  Ugh. I'm kind of disgusted with the whole thing.  I'm almost thinking it was better when I was just plain bored.  

I remain that Tenley is the one for him.  They are equally boring and both make me feel as if they have been invaded by space aliens and in the last episode, will peel off their masks of perfect smiles and gleaming eyes to reveal that they are taking over the world, one city at a time.  Yes, folks, they're starting with San Francisco!  And you know how they're doing it?!??!?!  They are invading our airwaves with perfectly timed installments of the "On the Wings of Love" chorus! 

What a gorgeous city!!!  I felt so excited for Valk the whole time I was watching.  I know I love seeing my beautiful city showcased on TV, and San Francisco is definitely a city to be proud of.  Ok, back to the recap...

Dude, what was the deal with Tenley bouncing on the couch when she got the first date card?!?!?!  So.Freaking.Weird!!!!!!

I want to know how they got the castle to San Francisco.  Was it built there, or brought over by pieces?  We have a spanish monastery (creatively called "The Spanish Monastery") that was brought over in pieces by Hearst.  It's gorgeous.  I also want to know why someone didn't trip Vienna when she was trying, yet again, to barge into someone else's date.  I seriously want to kick her.  Here's the thing about Vienna...she isn't Wes, really.  I mean, she hasn't said anything so offensive on camera that can lead us viewers to outright hate her and find her so vile that we can't imagine her staying on one more minute, forget one more show, but she is trouble.  She is underhanded and she is sneaky and I can really see, although they haven't chosen to show exactly why, the other girls really don't like her.  And the whole time I hear Jake talk about her, I keep thinking, "isn't it funny how we just don't learn from our experiences and how history really does repeat itself?".  Because I don't know about you, but I know that I keep wondering why a gazillion red flags aren't going off in his head strictly because of what he went through with Wes when all these women complain about Vienna. 

Women are some seriously shady characters.  But when you see the majority bonding, and all eyes on one, you should pay attention.  It isn't because they feel threatened by her, unless Jake has openly admitted he's into drag queens (more on that later), so you have to ask yourself over and over again, if there is some validity to those complaints...enough, in fact, to actually pay attention.  But, no...that's not what's happening here.  Shocker. 

How about those steamy windows whenever Gia and Jake are around, huh? Those two seem to be able to set off fire alarms!  I love it.  I think she deserves a good, boring guy like Jake.  Something tells me she's always gone for the bad boy and her time is due.  I totally thought she was on the chopping block when he said that she was way too insecure.  And he's not wrong.  It is draining when you have to constantly be reassuring someone of how great they are, especially when you're doing it to 4 other girls at the same time.  Aaaah, life as The Bachelor isn't all fun and games...

But ever the lady that she is, she didn't hold Vienna back by her hair and instead waited to see what the Cut Throat Diva would do...  BTW, Jake...it's kinda creepy to hear you say you had "dirty thoughts".  I felt like the 4th grade boy scout who lives down the street was peeking in my bathroom window.  Ew. 

So Cory's a virgin.  I feel bad that she probably thinks she went home because of that.  I don't think that's it at all.  I do think Jake was being honest when he said there were awkward moments and with only a few episodes left, that really can't be the case.  But I still feel bad for her.  I can say this because I don't have daughters:  I admire the virgin movement, I really do.  I just don't think it's practical in this day and age.  I knew a girl who was a virgin for a long, long, long time and I think it turned away a bunch of potential suitors because of it.  After a certain age (and I'd say 21 may be it), being a virgin is more a hindrance than something to put on your dating resume.  Look, sex shouldn't be the sole factor in determining life long partnership.  But it has to be *a* factor.  And the only way to know is by doin' it.  But anyway, Cory, it wasn't cause you're a virgin, I promise.  And I love the schpeal about not living together.  I've got your back on that one!  *high five*

Hmmm, who was next?  Oh, Ali!  I really do love Ali.  How is Ali still single?!?!?  To any of Ali's exes - WTF were you thinking?!?!   Now, oddly enough, Ali doesn't seem like a girl I'd like to hang out with on a personal level, but that doesn't mean I can't think she's damn fabulous independently. I was so happy that she got a date in her own backyard!!  Tell me-- did all that PDA make you as uncomfortable as it made me?  I'm all for making out in public, really I am.  But straddling in park in broad daylight?  Rrrrrrawr!  I kept thinking about all the frumpy moms that had their kids out at the park on such a gorgeous day.  "Mommy, why is that lady riding that man like a horsie?" .  Hahahaha.  I'm also really happy she moved past the whole "if he's into her, he can't be into me" thing.  I mean, I understood her point, but I didn't think shooting off her face to spare her nose (is that how it goes?) was the way to handle the situation.  

Finally, the Rose Ceremony...woo hooooooooo!  Oh, Vienna, Vienna, Vienna...tsk, tsk, tsk.  At first, I thought it was your tendency to cross your eyes that bothered me.  Then, I thought, "no, wait, that's not it! It's your nose that doesn't sit right, literally".  Yet again, I changed my mind and focused on the Battered Wife Make-Up, but now I finally realized what the deal is.  It was your bad blow over that did it.  Are you a porn star?  Or a drag queen?  Tell me the truth.  Not only are you tricking the Hunky Pilot into falling over you, but I think there's a whole community of trannies out there waiting to get a piece of you after that Rose Ceremony!  What were you thinking?  That was one bad do!  Coupled with your horribly faux Marilyn Monroe style (read: wannabe) choker and I was wishing it would have done what its name implies: CHOKED YOU!  

That's it til next week.  Guess what?!?!?  It's a real nail biter, YET AGAIN!  I swear these producers never cease to amaze me. *eye roll*